snow! snow on the ground this morning! it stuck and it wasn't ice!

if you care, i found a live jawbreaker bootleg. it's a live seattle show...some comment below said it was their last but i have no damn idea. tempted to ask if you can hear chris's nose cracking against blake's fist for confirmation but i'm learning that my humor is not necessarily funny.
thank you for not being one of them,
ashley

p.s. what the hell school am i supposed to go to?
p.p.s the sound quality on 96.5.18 seattle is about as good as my ballsack.
p.p.p.s. rabbit rabbit



p.p.p.p.s. ...get that seattle shit from me if you like...being alive. jb song i've never heard - "elephant" anyone? just me?


p.p.p.p.p.s. i would advise watching tokyo gore police if you like having your brain ripped out of your skull.

i always thought he was a douche.

hey, remember when ti and i went to that plea for peace show back in... god i have no idea what year and we shouted for the great decay in between just about every song cursive played? well, our demands were met durring the encore ("i believe some girls were yelling for this one...")
so imagine what tonight is going to be like, with more beer and less dignity.
i can't wait! they better play some songs off ugly organ that arent a. art is hard and b. art is hard.
i'm serious.

i'm really frustrated for two reasons. a. missing text book and b. old ass singer sewing machine that is being a panda jerk.
all i want to do is sew on a patch and make wizarding robes. is that really so much to ask for?
also, i think my head is going to explode, right above my left eye.

it's a long walk home when you're feelin dead on your feet,
ashley

p.s. winter break winter break winter break
and dana is letting me leave work for a few hours to go to the christmas tree lighting! yay ayaya ya ya ayaya yay! she has the heart of an old bar wench that's been pissed on to the point of crysticalization, hardened and dirty... with a keen interest of avoiding human contact! a nice person!

wassail according to wikipedia
Wassail is a hot, spiced punch often associated with Christmas. Particularly popular in Germanic countries, the term itself is a contraction of the Middle English phrase wæs hæil, meaning "be healthy".
While the beverage typically served as "wassail" at modern holiday feasts with a medieval theme most closely resembles mulled cider, historical wassail drinks were completely different, more likely to be mulled beer or mead. Sugar, ale, ginger, nutmeg, and cinnamon would be placed in a bowl, heated, and topped with slices of toast as sops.

Hence the first stanza of the traditional carol the Gloucestershire Wassail dating back to the Middle Ages:

Wassail! wassail! all over the town,
Our toast it is white and our ale it is brown;
Our bowl it is made of the white maple tree;
With the wassailing bowl, we'll drink to thee.



delishus!

i had a stupid smile plastered on my face last night that i couldn't get to go away. municipal waste was the happiest i've been since last weekend at forgetters. and hadn't been that happy since the week before at fest. and i hadn't been that happy since i took 5 tabs on a grass and gravel beach at lake lewisville.
i'm coasting through post-fest depression with beer and mutants, and it aint so bad.
man, next month is gonna be a barren wasteland of pointless, blank stares. but it's also the beginning of winter break! which means i'll be able to read whatever i want whenever i want! i'm stockpiling on poetry. it's really started making more sense in the past year. i think it's because of that terrible english teacher i had last semester. she made us read and explicate so much of it... still hate her though.
and i hope a mutant eats her face off at a kegger. and then i hope somebody vomits acid into her gaping, bloody face-hole.

and it's opened 24 hours a day. sold!
it's 4 a.m., i'm in california. where the hell else am i gonna go? the goddamn, motherfucking hoax museum! yes! their message board is saintly.
i'm with my people!

http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/forums/viewthread/10283
"Well,i think the Government is the one who orcastrated the whole"Moon Hoax” scenerio.We went to the moon,but we were told “not to come back” by those already there.Who?Remnants of the Nazi Elite,who have been there since 1946.Thats why we pretty much leave the moon alone.Its already taken.Watch “UFO’s for the Elite1-7 on youtube.Explains Nazi exodus to antarctica before the end of ww 2.Better yet look at my profile pic.I took this myself with my telescope and cell phone.Square craters,perfectly cornered structures,circular structures..and more.study pic closley.We are being lied to by our Gov. and NASA>"
pretty straightforward stuff!

i need to do the fmla zine this weekend. the two submissions are really begging for a place in this elite shit, dayum. i'm not sure if they'l make the cut though.

i have seriously been on the hunt for somebody who has read fante. eubanks hasn't heard of him, two kids with degrees in english haven't, my mom has no clue, kathryn's sprawled out on the floor with a halo of drool but i'm pretty sure she mumbled a no as well. how the hell am i supposed to know if i should read him if somebody doesnt tell me to?! hello!

caught the uptown bums last night, they're good and stuff. holly bought me a beer, which was also good. mellow fruit.

it's bragging, isn't it, when i put a test score as a subject? well, as the saying goes...
i'm better than you
you are a piece of poooooo

i've fallen into the habit of harboring good feelings lately. i guess that's why i've been a little bit more reluctant to talk about fest. it was such a good time...
i barely wrote anything down while i was in gainseville and the plane ride wasn't much revealing either. i guess i'll rewrite part of my meager account here like i normally do for trips, but know it was written for the purpose of getting a laugh.

11/02/09
"look at these passengers
if there's babies i'll survive."

I try to use that logic but it doesn't follow for me. When I see tiny ones on the plane I get panicky. I feel like the universe has to maintain a constant state of ballance and it seems more cosmically tragic if younglings die in a horrifying plane mishap. So, everytime some asshole's happy in a relationship a baby dies in a plane crash. You can thank me for not being one of those assholes.

end transmission.

48 more hours and i'll be in florida! sweet, drunken babies! then? blake blake blake blake blake blake!
ahahahahah
i just watched the kayne west bush doesn't care about black people for the first time. it made me feel awful. there is so much stupid shit going on that i've been ignoring for the past year. i feel like i'm starting to shift back to a level where i can allot time and space to feel about issues outside of myself again.
i hope so. i've felt alienated from myself for awhile now. ironic! if i can get back to a place where i can care about art and poverty and reading and engaging then i'll consider it a battle won and a privilege rightly earned.
family life went to hell again, surprise surprise and at the risk of moving out of state for undergrad i'm thinking about moving in with rachel (if she still wants) and then going off to UT (maybe) for the rest of this college chapter. i still want to go to hunter, very, very badly. it's a compromise i really don't want to make, but i don't know if staying at mom's until august is scientifically, metaphysically and nutrionally possible.
who knows?
kenko report tomorrow! i get to stand up in front of my class and drop some medieval japanese zen buddhist monk knowledge on em! scholarly!

slightly tweaked banner pilot lyrics
You had enough so you moved out
to find what the world's about.
Then you hit 58 years old.

better late than never, right?
rachel still owes me a gallon of sparkes. quick, how many ounces are in a gallon?!

I just listened to "Harnessed in Slums" five times in a row and am starting to legitmately like Banner Pilot and American Steel...
What the hell is happening to me?

Make the emails stop...

It's this damn chorus that's ruining everything
Side to side, with the tired smile
Cut into your face.
Ya let me down for the second time straight.
With thugs and scum and punks and freaks,
They're harnessed in slums, but they wanna be free

i'll be thigh deep in cheap beer and jumping around to radon! radon, beloved radon!

i limped through my week of abortion discussion in ethics. i didn't say anything until the very end of class on the last day. so painful. ethics will be covering locke while i'm in florida, why the hell couldnt we have done that this past week and slid abortion into that slot? i did teafund intake yesterday and i wasn't sure if i was going to be bothered because of the discussion earlier. i wasn't though, which is awesome.
i'm doing well in world lit and anthropology and we get our first test back in ethics so... who knows?

and now i will leave you with a story
i hate jogging in front of people. you probably don't have to stretch your imagination very far to figure out why. especially men, good god i hate jogging in front of men. i've been workign on it though and headphones help a lot. (cheating, i know) a few days ago i stepped off my front porch and checked the streets, of course there was a car coming up. instead of walking til they're out of sight i threw on the headphones and started shuffling. naturally, without fail, my right foot finds the only hole in my front yard and i fall spectacularly with the damn car about 5 feet away. the fall was fucking fantastic. i got some air and i even rolled it out. no blood though! disappointment! battle scares are trophies the man can't take away and i was deprived! bludgeoned pride with no reward: massive fail.
the moral? can't think of one. but nick is stoked that asshole parade sampled the chewing bubblegum and kicking ass line and is running around the office shooting aliens. pretty sweet stuff!

sayin that the snakes aint awesome? and sayin that the cops are great? ya better shut up.

just be as quiet as you possibly can; just keep your mouth shut!

and i applaud the creativity!
you know, of course you know, that certain things are hard didily ard for me to talk about. emotions, gratitude, legitmate pains - this and that... that i want an enlish major with a concentration in literature. so i won't say it, but i will say this:
i nearly jumped out of my seat when i read this course description at college unnamed

ENGLISH 250.67 HEROINES

“Heroines” will explore the notion of female heroism as it develops through three genres of literature: prose fiction, poetry, and drama. We will befriend several literary heroines and analyze how these women are constructed by author, genre, reception, and period. This course aims to cover texts from different periods, nationalisms, and traditions in an effort to explore multiple representations of female heroism.

how freaking sweet would that class be?! there's about 50,000 classes i would die to take! and hate to be graded on.
and sweet baby jesus!

ENGLISH 369 THE 19TH CENTURY ENGLISH NOVEL

...In this course we will examine how the concerns of the age -- secrets and lies, the past, religion, science, class, the place of women, gender and sexuality, and colonialization—were explored within the genre of the novel. These themes will be examined in Austen, Emma; Bronte, Jane Eyre; Dickens, Great Expectations; Hardy, Tess of the d’Urbervilles; Stevenson, Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde; and Conrad, Heart of Darkness.

and victorian literature! any class with a description that reads blah balh balh the brontës blah is genius.

ashley wanty. i gotta do it, right? i wish i could just take classes and live in lala land.
somebody give me a billion dollars. or a get out of paying for college card.
oh wait, i got that! it's called suck on it fafsa dot com!
i wish the cuny crap was in portland.

i didnt even know i had a humdinger tag!

a few things. first off, mom's off and on creaturething is going back to jail. this means he'll (hopefully people, hopefully) will be gone for a very, very long time. mom's bummed which bothers me... partially. i don't like seeing my wombcarrier down, but on the other hand... chris sucks.
my sister comes home high every night and tries to pass it off which, all things considered, is stupid.
friends are hard sometimes; my weekend was lousy. i'm split between indifference and wit's end.
this morning when i got back from my shuffle i had the overwhelming feeling that i need change. i think i really am going to leave texas next august which is starting to sound more exciting and less frightening every single day.

i think i'm going to cry if i see radon, tears of beer!

if i could, i would make you a raging river...

i do this terrible thing to butts (well, terrible if she talked people) and always ask her where she put her tail. i imagine different scenarios (like i said above...) and tell her it's vulgar to have gone this long without one. then i had an apostrophe, lighting struck me brain. i need to make missing tail flyers. i need somebody with a digital camera to help! i want it to be as terrible as possible, i'm thinking some sort of hideous glamour shot of butts while managing to get her nub clearly. then, much like my missing bacon bits flyer, i will run off dozens of copies at work and place them around town. i'll have to think of someplace funny for the address, like the city dump.
i instantly thought of brandi for this project but if she doens't want to any soul will do and i'll be eternally grateful!

i'm thinking flowers in the background i'm thinking plate of tuna i'm thinking elephant or lobster hat i'm thinking balloons or stuffed animals i'm thinking kitten eye shadow i'm thinking litter box i'm thinking ferrell horses galloping in the background with soft lense i'm thinking snowflakes

i found a good copy of ros and guil are dead at recycled. i've felt so guilty for not having read it yet but my god, it was worth the wait. stark raving sane.

shit! fuck!
yesterday i got to do all the things i wanted to do. today i get to do all the things i dont wanna do. go figure! i'm goin to bed early tonight, i'm talkin 930. time to make the donuts, and time to die! see ya in hell!

i enjoy dinosaurs, short grass and monsters.

first off:


secondly, barthelme.



lastly: beer hurty my brain last night. no thinky today.

things i am looking forward to doing (or the flip side: reasons not to die)
going to the dallas muesum of art tomorrie with zak.
john williams 420/2010.

i think i'm gonna go get some potato chips

be like me girls and become a real man.
i'm starting to get extremely pissed off at everything again. which actually is a good thing. it tells me i'm starting to think again. thinkings good, but not as good as sleeping. speaking of which, i ordered my kickass address book off etsy finally. it's got a picture of some middle aged dude and besides his profile the epicly true, "i just want to sleep"

i went to a garden party last night and had a few too many glasses of wine. that's a lie, i didn't have enough! i made my first desert pie... the crust needs revision and i'm goign to try out a different tatic with the corn starch but i'm pretty sure in five years i'll be able to make things dogs will eat.

fafsa is finally sorted. it was a mad dash to find somebody near a computer to accept my awards but all is well and alex officially knows just how much the government was willing to give me. i declined all the loans, no need for them. that's pretty sweet, being able to pay for school with grants. whoever thought that one up gets an approving thumbs up.

i'm gonna get a laptop with my extra funds this go around. i don't really know what i'm doing but i have high hopes. i want something that will hold all my c.d.s, has word and ms paint, and lets me read pirate language via facebook. what else are computers good for?
i'm going to let my stupid ass family use the desktop so when it's riddled with internet sexual diseases they can know in their hearts that they are the reason why we can't have nice things.

on a darker note i hate the book of job but not quite as much as genesis. i wish the bible had dragons in it.
i really like the idea of getting drunk with an owl. i don't approve of getting enough sleep. i started reading song of songs and so far it's not annoying me but my ethics homework is. fuck you thomas aquinas and your damn objections.

i've talked to the doppleganger a few times but today something was worth mentioning. this might come as a little surprising but when he said something to the effect of damn the man i didnt know what to say back. i am awkward with beer and even worse without it. he doesnt really strike me as the bar type but maybe he likes beer anyways? surely anybody worth their grain of salt likes a drink... besides all the people who are worth their grain of salt and don't like a drink.
then again, do i really want to introduce him to drunk ashley?
oh god. no!
no no no! keep beer away from me! but i love it. holly is bringing some shiner black tonight and i am stoked stoked stoked.
my spikenard sendeth forth the smell thereof.
i don't know about you but that put me in the mood.

A few hours ago I stopped on the stairs and told myself to stop being crazy. I am still amused.

ok, ok, just to get this out of the way and to make sure i meet my daily creeper-quota: teh b-dawg schwarzenbackwards is all flippidy gibbled on a new band in name and members. forgetters, no the, no caps, just sex. or was that amnesia? sometimes i get words confused.

nctc... how i have grown to love your halls. or is that loathe? again, word confusion. my ethics teacher is a punk ass bitch. i already have him figured out, he's painfully obvious and the class is already set up against the way i think. so no grand debates on the origin of argument that i had invisioned... just a libertarian flapping his gums. and i mean that word in the worst possible sense. there is a kid i know in the class though, he's in ti's band... so i guess he's in his own band too, and we've decided to argue each other's points every time. why learn new things when i can be an asshole?

world lit is going to be lovely because eubanks is a freaking southern freakatron who, if it werent for the wife and kids and church plays, would undoubtedly be sucking lord byron's dick.
a little inside?

gen. anthropology is going to be much cooler than i thought, we'll be touching on some linguistics! that's a class i've been wanting to take. nctc has a section for it but never any actually classes. why must they tease me? the teacher is lovely too. she listed her home phone instead of office number and we can call her anytime between the designated hours. she loves halloween and her ciggarettes - always a good sign.

maddie and i are going to be the best of carpooling buddies ever. last night i baked us cookies! i don't think she ate them but the sentiment was surely consumed.

lastly, nctc finally worked out a deal with the city bus and next semester i'll be able to schedule my semester according to me. i hate to say it, but you have no idea how much joy it brings me. i'll be getting up early as hell to work it out with ye olde jobe but after that? well, hopefully i'll be in a real university far, far away and won't have to put up with texas anti public transportation crapathon.
fully jinxed and completely hibbled,
ashley

i read... pretty much the entireity of frankenstein yesterday. put it around 200 pages. i wasn't as annoyed as i was last time but i stand by my assertion that victor is a punkass bitch that nearly ruins the story. for me. not in any literary, serious sense. dear god, i'll talk about anything but that right now. what i'm really excited about is the next movie coming in from netflix. in the words of dr. ray arnold, "hold on to your butts."

Gothic
The poet Lord Byron (Gabriel Byrne) turns his estate into a haunted and horror-filled playground in this film that purports to tell the story of the night that inspired Mary Shelley (Natasha Richardson) to write Frankenstein. After dispensing a heaping helping of hallucinogens, Byron encourages his guests to share tales of horror as they explore the dark corners of his estate...

I nearly peed my pants when i read that. at the end of my copy of franky they had a lot of neat little high-school teacher things (including a note from mary which made me feel for her) and the last bit was suggestions for interested readers. they didn't sell gothic nearly as much as netflix did but come wednesday i'm taking a trip down nightmare alley!
how does that dk song go?
You sit around and dream
For next Halloween

accept for, humbly, i do try to maintain a ghoulish upkeeping 365 days out of the year.

ha. i accidentally won the busy 7"... my bad. i forgot i even put money on it. i am retarded. oh well. i mean, it is my favorite jb song a third of the time. (splits with a few other gems - like i'm capabable of having just one favorite.)
i really thought i was going to get outbid. of course what i really wanted shot up to 56 bucks... mmm dear you on blue, you will be mine some day. oh yes, you will be.

i initated conversation with a cop the other day. unsure of how to speak to their kind i walked slowly up to the vehicle, both palms exposed and at my hips. he met me half way in his jeep. apparently the sam overlook is closed because (as he tossed up his hands) "it's trashed" and looked at me wtih contempt and blame. i would never/have never left trash at the cove! offensive! i don't think he liked my warrior swimmer outerwear. cops never do.

denton pd on my neck!

p.s. i need your recommendation for films in italian: ready, go! i like a lot of different things but hate many more. but really, anything will do this first round. i need to get my ears used to the sounds